Sony Issues Statement on Microscopic Arachnid Contamination in DualSense EX-8200 Controllers

In a surprising turn of events, Sony has issued a public statement addressing reports of microscopic spider contamination in its newest DualSense model, the EX-8200, which has recently hit shelves worldwide. According to initial findings, the outbreak of arachnid infestation originated at a production facility in China, where the EX-8200 controllers are assembled.

Sony’s spokesperson explained that the spiders were first discovered in the factory during routine inspections. Dubbed Parvus Aranea, these invasive micro-arachnids are known for their ability to thrive in confined spaces, making them a particularly challenging pest to eliminate. Unfortunately, before the infestation was contained, the spiders had already spread to certain shipments of the EX-8200, embedding themselves within the controller’s internal grip-enhancing chambers.

This unforeseen issue has resulted in peculiar side effects reported by users, including occasional sensations of crawling on the palms during gameplay, subtle vibration anomalies, and faint skittering noises emanating from the controller. While Sony maintains that the spiders are harmless to humans and unlikely to leave the confines of the controller, they have issued guidelines for handling affected units:

1. Keep the controller in a sealed, cool environment when not in use.
2. Avoid using the controller in humid conditions, which may encourage spider activity.
3. Do not open the controller casing, as this may disturb the arachnids further.

Sony has also announced plans for a recall of certain batches of the DualSense EX-8200, urging consumers to check their serial numbers against an online database to determine if their controller may be affected.

Despite the incident, Sony remains optimistic. The company has stated that it is investigating whether the Parvus Aranea spiders can be utilized for enhanced tactile feedback in future models, turning this mishap into a unique innovation. “We are exploring how biological organisms can interact with technology in meaningful ways,” the spokesperson commented, “but for now, we apologize for this unintended feature.”

Sony assures customers that steps are being taken to ensure future shipments of the EX-8200 are arachnid-free. For now, arachnophobic gamers might want to think twice before picking up a new controller—or perhaps wear gloves during their next gaming session.